I think I won the penis lottery.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
