Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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