If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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