We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
