she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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