Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
