is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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