I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
