Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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