just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
