Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
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