i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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