Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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