I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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