Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
