Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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