My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
