Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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