It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
