He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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