My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
