I'm really into asian looking animals
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How does one acquire holy water?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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