i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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