Welp...herpes.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
