You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize