P.S. I can't hear my feet
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
