I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
