you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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