I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
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How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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