I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
