if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
