the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
