the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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