No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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