while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize