If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
