Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
