oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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