just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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