if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I looked at my own cervix.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step