Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i will never coherently bang her
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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