Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She bit a glass in half.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
