I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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