I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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