I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
