ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
