he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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