My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
