So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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