People with herpes should wear stickers.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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