Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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