Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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