i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
