naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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