He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
