My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
