Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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