Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
