You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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