I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize