I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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