do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
