so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
